so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
