Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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