Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything