i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dating After Heartbreak
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.