honey bunches of taint.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend