one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha