So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY