I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
