rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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