I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize