sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
