is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
