turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
