we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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