what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
