You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
