....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
