I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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