my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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