I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
