your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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