i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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