im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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