How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
