This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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