my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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