Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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