I heard we made out
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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