He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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