will power is for people who don't want to get laid
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
