Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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