No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
