I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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