I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
