A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
