the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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