I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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