is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
