so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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