If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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