porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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