Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm both gender and math confused
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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