Sponge bath it is.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
