eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can I color on your dick again?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
