She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
