Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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