I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
please come you make the beer taste better
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
