You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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