Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
