dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
