Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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