I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
