are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
