I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
