Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
