This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We got so high we made milksteak
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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