I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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