man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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