What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
