Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
