When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
