My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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