Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
