i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
