garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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