dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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