A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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