i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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