I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He shit in the fireplace
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
