I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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