Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
