Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
