we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
