My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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