community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
