just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
