sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
